Today, we have Elena from Guild of Growth sharing some great insight on self-love and how it is important for both your professional and personal life.
I’ve seen this with women of various cultural and financial backgrounds. They are trying to turn their life around in a particular area of their life such as nutrition, relationships or career.
It sometimes feels like even if you are willing to make a change, there is something that is holding you back. Have you ever felt this way?
An example would be to decide to exercise every morning for just 10-20 minutes, but 2 days into your routine just quitting. Or deciding that you would be working on your side business every evening for 30-60 minutes but just not having the courage to stick with your initial decision. Some may attribute this kind of behaviour just down to laziness. However, after talking to many of my girlfriends I noticed a pattern. This tends to happen much more often to individuals that have also low self-esteem and can’t really find a reason to love themselves.
What do I mean by that? Our subconscious mind plays a critical role in our daily decision-making process. Imagine a ship that needs to sail straight to the island where the crew will finally find drinking water and food supplies after being lost in the sea for several days. But when they see the island with the tropical flora, they assume that the only thing they need to do is to sail straight to their target destination. What they don’t account for is that between their location and the island there are lots of underwater rocks that will be scratching the bottom of the ship and perhaps will even make it sink. For this reason, before moving straight to their destination, if they are smart enough to spot the rocks, they will just make some adjustments to their course and eventually reach their destination.
It’s the same with the goals in real life. What could be the rocks that are scratching your ships and don’t let you move forward? Is it your subconscious beliefs that you are actually not worthy of the results you desire and the happy ending? If you believe that you are not worthy of love, because you were not taught to love yourself, you’ll never attract the perfect match. On the contrary, you will be trying to find the one but will be unsure of why men either run away from you or treat you wrong. But let’s take a closer look into this. Why there are people in your life that treat you wrong in the first place?
Now think about a successful individual you admire. It might be a serial entrepreneur, a scientist or a Hollywood star, doesn’t matter. Place yourself in their shoes. Would this successful person ever allow someone to treat them the way you allow others to treat you? If not, then ask yourself why. What happens with successful people is that they get consistent validation from the outside world that what they are doing is right. In the form of money, awards etc. This promotes the self-love. This is the reason why they want to have only the best of everything in their life. In terms of material goods, but also relationships, working conditions etc. Why? Because they love and respect themselves for all of their accomplishments.
You may not yet have the external validation that you’ve “made it“ at the moment, but you are getting there. However, you know what they say: fake it till you make it.
When it comes to building professional, personal relationships or friendships, just ask yourself: is this relationship on my terms or is there something that makes me feel uncomfortable? Does the other person take from this relationship more that he/she gives? The solid foundation for every relationship is to be comfortable with each other. If you allow your partner to give you less than they take from the beginning, this will be an external validation for your subconscious mind that you are not worthy of a great relationship that will make you happy, just because you allow yourself to stay in one that is suboptimal.
This is my personal filter that I implement when I decide if my time is worth spending on a particular individual.
I also apply the self-love filter when shopping for groceries or ordering at a restaurant: a carbonara is definitely yummy, but will I get all the protein I need? Or just useless calories from all the carbs? I remember that I love myself and then I decide that I deserve something better. A black forest and creme hot chocolate are freaking delicious but the 500 calories (basically a meal) and the infinite amount of carbs/sugars is not something that my body really deserves, so I’m going for a healthier option because I love myself.
WEEKLY PRACTICE: this week I challenge you to apply the self-love filter to most of your daily activities and habits. Whether it’s your eating and drinking habits, or pushing boundaries at work or with friends and family. Just ask yourself in any situation: is this something a person that loves themselves would do? Or is there a more self-loving way to do this?
When you start acknowledging the fact that you don’t agree with things that don’t make you happy, your subconscious mind will receive the message and realize that you are worthy. A
positive feedback loop will start. You will get a dopamine kick for speaking out for yourself and will eventually start craving this dopamine reward. Any time you are not certain about speaking up, you should just ask yourself: what would person X do in my position?
Have a great one!
Elena from the Guild of Growth